Dear Sarah M. Slagle.

I believe you ordered this:



...and this:


unfortunately I did not.


I wanted a sweater.
A big, fluffy, white, swaddle-up-in-warmness sort of sweater.


(and instead I received your XS-hot-pink lingerie.)



and do you see the scarf I am wearing? (INDOORS?) Yep. XS-hot-pink lingerie does not appeal to me. Ever. And especially not now.



I hope you didn't receive my sweater, and discover its superiority over your hot-pink lingerie.
(because it is superior: trust me)
And once discovering this fact, you'd probably never give it back....