so, i went to the dermatologist last week. i had "the-hiv" above my right eye. (i lovingly refer to "whatever-it-was-i-had" as "the-hiv" for two reasons: A) my boss was convinced i was going to die of it, and B) i didn't really know what else to call it. *not even WebMD could help me...
anyways. i was at the dermatologist (and it had been a week since my first visit with "the-hiv"-->during which multiple doctors/nurses/(i-still-don't-know-what-they-were) came in and "hmmm-ed" and "haaaaa-ed" and took pictures of my sad little eye.) oh- and it did eventually go away, once they gave me pills and had me rub steroids on it daily. But, knowing that they cured me of "the-hiv" was not good enough for them. Nope. they wanted to look at all my freckles. (and when i say "all"...i mean "ALL" my freckles.) And, being a semi-fair-skinned individual, i have quite a little collection...
so- the next thing i know two of the doctors/nurses/(still-don-know-what-they-are)'s were poking around on my back and convincing me that it would be a good idea if they just "scraped" this one suspicious-looking-freckle off of my back. (so, of course i agree- i mean, i can spare a freckle, right?...especially if it's a suspicious-looking one.)
but, let me just clarify: "scraping" has two very different definitions. Leslye's definition: non-abrasive removal of something...such as "scraping" off a sticker(?) Dermatologists definition: GOUGE-IT-OUT!
#1-enter nurse (yes, by this time i had figured out which ones were nurses) with a large needle. (just imagine that i received the back-equivalent of mouth-novacaine.) very weird feeling.
#2-enter doctor with scalpel. (imagine the most horrific scraping you have ever received.) but...keep in mind i was also blessed with back-novacaine.
#3-and then they SHOWED ME MY FRECKLE.
dermatologist-friends. (or friends who one day wish to be dermatologists) note to self: DO NOT show your patient their freckles once they have left the afore-mentioned-patient's body. There is just something fundamentally wrong with a body-less freckle. (ugh)
so, now i am a proud owner of a chasm in my back (currently crudely-covered with a bandaid) and i am one-freckle less than i used to be.
(tragic)
and i cannot get that awful image out of my head of my poor little freckle. laying so helplessly on that doctor's scalpel.
1 comment:
oh my... this is terrible. I had a mole removed on my shoulder because they were concerned it that it was cancerous... but i passed out when they "removed" it (funny how they make is seem so nice, when in fact it is just WRONG). I think I would have passed out a second time if the would have showed it to me.
That is truly disgusting! Thanks for sharing though... it really made me laugh... and gag all at the same time... much needed.
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